Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
