Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she looked like the before picture.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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