why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
