Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
