i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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