you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
