I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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