Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
