dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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