All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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