I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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