I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
