that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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