You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she peed on how many people?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
