what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
