Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
