Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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