how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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