I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
