he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
did you just send me my own nude
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
