I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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