it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You don't make any sense
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