There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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