it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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