Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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