By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
