Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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