I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
