the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
