You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
