Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
