He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
