you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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