Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
