i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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