My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
