I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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