I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
