i love accidental penises.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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