he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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