Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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