Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
