One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize