I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
