I will die if light touches me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
