If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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