we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
