well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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