Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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