ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
