everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
