im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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