Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The Olympian is in my bed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
