God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
