Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
