Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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