i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
