Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
