Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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