I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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