If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
