I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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