the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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