sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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