I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
