I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
oh god the rape fog is back!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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