when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
