Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
