Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
