I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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