he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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