I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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