He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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