Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
