and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
