So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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