Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
