too bad you live with your parents still
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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